shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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