Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize