I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
