Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
