While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
