his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We have started to decorate penises.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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