I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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