i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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