Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
