I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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