Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I need a burrito and a hug.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
