I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
