if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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