am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
