is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
