When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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