Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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