its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
