nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
