and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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