Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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