can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
