Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
