You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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