I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
