That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
