the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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