false alarm. still invincible.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize