did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
