I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
