Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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