Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
