Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
