The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
