She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
