Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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