I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She told me I should be a condom model.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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