I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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