guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."