So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this will be a night to untag.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.