If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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