we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
