Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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