Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She told me I should be a condom model.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
