I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
