Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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