She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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