I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
