Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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