He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
