Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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