Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
