dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
