I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
be right there i have to get my cape
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
