Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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