Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
