I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
