Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
