Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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