THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
