let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
