hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
