my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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