Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
