is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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