The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
