No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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