As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
