I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
