if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
