I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
