She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
