Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
